Growing up, I was not the tidiest child on the planet. My sister can attest to this, as we shared a
room. Fortunately, she was as bad (or
good) at being messy as I was, so we were a match made in Heaven – or
somewhere!
My brother, on the other hand, was a perfectionist neat
freak.
Bless his heart…I envied his
organizational skills, but looking back I can certainly understand his paranoia
whenever my sister or myself would get near his bedroom.
 |
| Eric & Valerie - Probably 1986 - I love this pic! |
All these years later, I still struggle with mess. Typically it’s just clutter which I keep
around for a reason. I’m still trying to
figure out the reason, but I know I have one.
J Usually, my clutter mess is localized at my
desk or my side of the bedroom, and I do have my limits. Every few days, I take the time to organize
and clear the clutter.
As our children grew older, I struggled in my mind as to
what I should expect from them. Some of
them are naturally more organized than others.
One is a hoarder. How was I to
draw guidelines, yet still allow them to function within their personality? At what point should they participate in the
upkeep of the home? I’ve done a lot of
reading, and I think I’ve seen it all – cutesy little chore charts, systematic
timelines for different areas of the house, etc.- but none of what I saw really
grabbed me. I’m not the chart type, and I
really don’t have the time or the patience to do the spreadsheets.
Several years ago, my sister-in-law who had been an at-home
mom went back to work. Her two older
daughters were probably around 11-13 years of age. Of the several chores that she delegated to
them was their own laundry. That stuck
with me, and for many reasons, I liked the idea. Two summers ago, I followed her lead and
taught the boys to do their own laundry.
They were 10 and 12, and they did their laundry that summer, and have
continued to help with it (or do their own) from that time on.
The bulk of my “chores” struggle has been finding a healthy
balance of what is age-appropriate and acceptable. I’ve observed families where it seemed the
kids were overloaded with chores while the parents were pretty lethargic and
unmotivated. My perspective. I’ve also worked with 7th graders
who had literally never swept a floor until they came into my class and had a
small chore to complete each day after lunch. Pathetic.
Again, my perspective. J
I read an article by Michael Pearl (I wish I had a copy of
it, but it was borrowed), and in it he talked about the benefit vs. the
liability of a child to a family. Keep
in mind, his perspective is never fluffy or gooey, but practical and without a
lot of flowery feel-good language. The
idea is that when children are small, they are a “drain” on the family, but as
they emerge into toddlerhood and then grade school, they begin to shoulder
their own weight. By the time they reach
the age of 10 or so (if I remember everything correctly), they become an asset
and a contributor to the household. Mr.
Pearl’s logic made complete sense to me, and gave me a bit more direction than
I had previous.
 |
| Rockin' with the duster...lol |
Since then, there are a couple of things that I have
determined:
- I won’t
force my kids to have an impeccable bedroom. It can’t be dirty (as in real dirt), but
I will allow some flexibility.
- I will
be sure that my kids know how to do all the typical household chores
(age-appropriate), and they will contribute to the functionality of the
household.
Now the rubber meets the road, and their skills are put to
the test.
Mom is virtually out of
commission for a few weeks, and dad goes to work every day.
The two weeks following my injury, the kids
were still in school.
I had to alternate
keeping one of the boys home with me each day the first week because there was
just too much risk for me to stay alone.
Whichever one stayed at home did some school work, and pretty much
waited on me as needed.
The second week
was full with their end-of-year field trip, parties, etc., and I went to work a
couple of days.
Greg would come home
from work and spend the evening catching up all the chores.
Although he regularly does laundry and helps
with whatever needs to be done, he was literally working the entire evening
until he would drop into bed.
Those were
the weeks where survival was more important than everyone carrying their part
of the load.
 |
No, she's not scrubbing toilets...
I'd prefer her to stick with sweeping,
dusting, or folding towels. :-) |
We’ve now been out of school for one week.
In between coloring pictures, watching DVD’s,
working on their summer Bible reading, jumping on the trampoline, reading good
books, soaking in the sprinkler, and mowing lawns, they’ve also been sweeping
floors, vacuuming carpets, cleaning bathrooms, dusting furniture, hauling out
garbage, loading the dishwasher, and preparing light meals.
They love it that I have a stash of chocolate
that I will randomly share with cheerful, thorough helpers.
Before leaving the hospital, I was repeatedly asked about
the level of help I would receive at home.
I knew that my mom had a full work schedule, so it was up to the kids
and me while Greg was at work. I loved
being able to tell the medical personnel that my kids knew more about
housekeeping than most husbands, and that we’d be just fine. One nurse said that she had taken the same
approach and she was so happy with the self-sufficiency of her boys “who never
brought their laundry home with them while they were away at college.”
 |
| Gotta love the mis-matched sock basket! |
Whether or not one feels overwhelmed with household demands,
children should (for their sake) be taught how to properly execute tasks…and
then be expected to contribute regularly based on what they’ve been
taught. It’s important to make the
atmosphere light and fun, even to have everyone working at the same time to
teach teamwork and cooperation (and of course, scrubbing toilets is more fun
when you know your brothers and sisters and in it with you!).
