From My Point Of View - Kids & Chores...

Growing up, I was not the tidiest child on the planet.  My sister can attest to this, as we shared a room.  Fortunately, she was as bad (or good) at being messy as I was, so we were a match made in Heaven – or somewhere! 

 
My brother, on the other hand, was a perfectionist neat freak.  Bless his heart…I envied his organizational skills, but looking back I can certainly understand his paranoia whenever my sister or myself would get near his bedroom. 

Eric & Valerie - Probably 1986 - I love this pic!

All these years later, I still struggle with mess.  Typically it’s just clutter which I keep around for a reason.  I’m still trying to figure out the reason, but I know I have one.  J  Usually, my clutter mess is localized at my desk or my side of the bedroom, and I do have my limits.  Every few days, I take the time to organize and clear the clutter. 

As our children grew older, I struggled in my mind as to what I should expect from them.  Some of them are naturally more organized than others.  One is a hoarder.  How was I to draw guidelines, yet still allow them to function within their personality?  At what point should they participate in the upkeep of the home?  I’ve done a lot of reading, and I think I’ve seen it all – cutesy little chore charts, systematic timelines for different areas of the house, etc.- but none of what I saw really grabbed me.  I’m not the chart type, and I really don’t have the time or the patience to do the spreadsheets. 

Several years ago, my sister-in-law who had been an at-home mom went back to work.  Her two older daughters were probably around 11-13 years of age.  Of the several chores that she delegated to them was their own laundry.  That stuck with me, and for many reasons, I liked the idea.  Two summers ago, I followed her lead and taught the boys to do their own laundry.  They were 10 and 12, and they did their laundry that summer, and have continued to help with it (or do their own) from that time on.

The bulk of my “chores” struggle has been finding a healthy balance of what is age-appropriate and acceptable.  I’ve observed families where it seemed the kids were overloaded with chores while the parents were pretty lethargic and unmotivated.  My perspective.  I’ve also worked with 7^th graders who had literally never swept a floor until they came into my class and had a small chore to complete each day after lunch.  Pathetic.  Again, my perspective.  J

I read an article by Michael Pearl (I wish I had a copy of it, but it was borrowed), and in it he talked about the benefit vs. the liability of a child to a family.  Keep in mind, his perspective is never fluffy or gooey, but practical and without a lot of flowery feel-good language.  The idea is that when children are small, they are a “drain” on the family, but as they emerge into toddlerhood and then grade school, they begin to shoulder their own weight.  By the time they reach the age of 10 or so (if I remember everything correctly), they become an asset and a contributor to the household.  Mr. Pearl’s logic made complete sense to me, and gave me a bit more direction than I had previous.

Rockin' with the duster...lol

Since then, there are a couple of things that I have determined:

• I won’t force my kids to have an impeccable bedroom.  It can’t be dirty (as in real dirt), but I will allow some flexibility. 
• I will be sure that my kids know how to do all the typical household chores (age-appropriate), and they will contribute to the functionality of the household. 

Now the rubber meets the road, and their skills are put to the test.  Mom is virtually out of commission for a few weeks, and dad goes to work every day.  The two weeks following my injury, the kids were still in school.  I had to alternate keeping one of the boys home with me each day the first week because there was just too much risk for me to stay alone.  Whichever one stayed at home did some school work, and pretty much waited on me as needed.  The second week was full with their end-of-year field trip, parties, etc., and I went to work a couple of days.  Greg would come home from work and spend the evening catching up all the chores.  Although he regularly does laundry and helps with whatever needs to be done, he was literally working the entire evening until he would drop into bed.  Those were the weeks where survival was more important than everyone carrying their part of the load. 

No, she's not scrubbing toilets...
I'd prefer her to stick with sweeping,
dusting, or folding towels.  :-)

We’ve now been out of school for one week.  In between coloring pictures, watching DVD’s, working on their summer Bible reading, jumping on the trampoline, reading good books, soaking in the sprinkler, and mowing lawns, they’ve also been sweeping floors, vacuuming carpets, cleaning bathrooms, dusting furniture, hauling out garbage, loading the dishwasher, and preparing light meals.  They love it that I have a stash of chocolate that I will randomly share with cheerful, thorough helpers. 

 

Before leaving the hospital, I was repeatedly asked about the level of help I would receive at home.  I knew that my mom had a full work schedule, so it was up to the kids and me while Greg was at work.  I loved being able to tell the medical personnel that my kids knew more about housekeeping than most husbands, and that we’d be just fine.  One nurse said that she had taken the same approach and she was so happy with the self-sufficiency of her boys “who never brought their laundry home with them while they were away at college.” 

Gotta love the mis-matched sock basket!

Whether or not one feels overwhelmed with household demands, children should (for their sake) be taught how to properly execute tasks…and then be expected to contribute regularly based on what they’ve been taught.  It’s important to make the atmosphere light and fun, even to have everyone working at the same time to teach teamwork and cooperation (and of course, scrubbing toilets is more fun when you know your brothers and sisters and in it with you!). 

From My Point Of View...

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A couple of days after my accident, I read a blog post that spoke words that I needed. Blogger Andrea was talking out her daughter, Nora, and how much Nora loved to chase bubbles that Andrea would blow for her. Andrea noticed whenever she blew bubbles, Nora would focus on one in particular, ignoring all the others that may have been even closer in proximity. She would pass up numerous bubbles in her quest to reach the one that had caught her attention. Andrea likened Nora’s bubble chasing to opportunities that many of us pass up daily. Although focus is a positive thing, sometimes we need to step back and see what is within our grasp that we are missing because we are so fixated upon our “goal.”

When I fell, as you can imagine, my mind began to swirl with anxious thoughts about all that needed to be accomplished within the weeks following. As quickly as the panic would come, it seemed like God would comfort me with the assurance that He would take care of all of those things. He also clearly told me that during these weeks of healing (which sometimes tend to feel very confining) He would provide me with opportunities that I would normally overlook.

Have you ever been rushing through life thinking to yourself, “I really ought to send _____ a note of encouragement,” or “I need to have more one-on-one chats with my children to remind myself of their individuality and draw out their unique concerns and ideas,” or “I would love to be part of a Bible Study or Women's Group!” Those examples just scratch the surface of all the “I wish…” thoughts that scramble their way through one’s mind. You can fill in the blank with your own want to/need to thoughts, I’m sure. But hours turn to days, days to weeks, weeks to months, and astonishingly months can turn into years before we actually quit chasing the big bubble and begin reaching for the multitude of bubbles that are smaller, closer, and probably a whole lot more meaningful.

As you go through your day today and throughout this week, I challenge you to sit down (not to get comfy and fall asleep) and watch as the bubbles of opportunity fall around you. If you begin to see them all at once, grab a pen and paper and make a list so you don’t forget. Prioritize and tackle. My experience is that you’ll feel totally refreshed by experiences that normally wouldn’t garner your attention. I love it that the little bubbles shine, too…if I slow down long enough to experience them before they burst and evaporate!

My Point Of View...

Had I written this post two and a half weeks ago, it would have been nothing like what you’ll read today.  My world was changed simply by one tiny misstep.  I remember my exact thoughts the moment before I stepped on the broken concrete, and I’ve recounted them many times since.  When we plan and our thoughts run through our mind like the current of a strong river, we rarely pause to consider that our very next move could completely alter the course of our days and bring with it a host of complications for which no one would wish.  Although my accident and struggles following are nothing in light of what some face daily, this time of injury and subsequent pain and healing is teaching me lessons.  I’m going to share some of those here. You’ll find these posts titled:

FROM MY POINT OF VIEW

I know my life has drastically changed when something as small as getting the wheelchair from the kitchen to the hardwood floor in the living room gives a huge sense of freedom.  There’s something empowering about being able to get quickly from one end of that room to the other in a relatively short amount of time - comparatively speaking, of course! The trek by walker from my bed to my bathroom seems like an eternity, even though the two rooms are adjacent to one another.

When I began to mentally plan my summer, I didn’t account for the time it would take to get from one room to another.  I didn’t figure in the fact that I wouldn’t be able to drive, wear my right shoe, ride my bike, or take a shower with all of me actually in the shower.  I certainly didn’t plan to be using my grandmother’s wheelchair or my great-grandfather’s walker!  But that’s how life is - unpredictable at best. 

 As I write, my mind goes back to the emergency room in Adrian, MI.  After my leg/ankle was stabilized and I had been given a little pain relief, Greg left the room for a few minutes.  Different medical personnel were coming into my little bedside area, and there were other patients with attending family members on either side of the curtain.  My mind was whirling…our kids were at home in school (except for Allison who was spending the day with a friend), my parents were at a conference in Indiana, and we were in a town where we knew no one and in a hospital of which I had never heard.  I couldn’t even tell you the name of it right now. 

 

As the medics, the student observers, the doctor, and the nurses came in and discussed my situation, my responses must have been positive.  Within a few minutes, a lady that was with a patient next door came over and said, “Boy, if I were in your situation, I don’t know that I could be as optimistic as you are.”  She caught me off guard because I didn’t know that anyone else had been listening to my conversations, but I felt compelled to share with her that my optimism wasn’t a result of my own feelings or circumstances.  I had hope for my future – however different it would be from what I had planned – because I have a Source of strength that is far greater that anything humanly possible.  I began to cry as I responded to her something like this, “Oh, how could I complain?  God has been so good to me!”  We shared a few more words, and she seemed a little uncomfortable as she went back to her loved one.  I don’t know what all she was going through, but I do know that in the days previous to my injury God had been doing a work in my heart.  He was helping me to develop an inward attitude of praise and thanksgiving that was different than anything previous.  I was grateful for the opportunity to celebrate another birthday, and I was savoring every moment like the gift from God that it was.  Honestly, I think that’s what helped me hold it together that day. 

I'm thinking now about a little chorus we used to sing in Good News Club that goes something like this, “With Christ in the vessel, I’ll smile at the storm…”  Although I wasn’t thrilled about my circumstances, the overarching knowledge that God is in control and that He is good gave me the assurance that I could face the uncertainty of my condition and the abrupt change of all of my best laid plans. 

Within a couple of hours of talking with that lady, I encountered the most painful moments of my life.  It sounds crazy, but I didn’t know pain could hurt like that and I begged God for relief.  Did the God that I had been praising just a short time before reach down and remove the suffering?  No, He allowed me to endure it even though I thought I couldn’t bear it another moment.  There were lessons in that, as well.  But for now... 

From my point of view, we are best prepared to face the crises moments when we have

developed an attitude of praise that totally permeates our spirit and splashes onto

those who are eavesdropping on our lives.

I Smell Spring!

So even though there are piles of snow lingering from the recent storm, my students have informed me that a sunny 37 degrees feels awesome.  I see new green shoots sprouting up in my flower beds, and I had to resist the urge to buy a new pair of garden gloves the other day.  It's feeling like spring! 

Although these ideas and recipes float around on Pinterest and are available for anyone and everyone, I wanted to share a few photos from our March Women of Worth meeting.  The snacks were amazing, and they looked amazing, too!

Who's ready for spring flowers? 
(Me! Jumping up and down with both hands waving!)

Let's call him Mr. Bones -
My, do they have a crunch!

A healthy rainbow with my favorite pot of gold
(Hershey's almond nuggets)

Rabbit food :-) 
(crescent rolls, Philly spread, veggies)

Eggs and bacon anyone? 
(m&m's, pretzels, white choc.)

Maybe you'll be inspired to try one of these for Easter weekend?!

Snow Daze...

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I love snow days.  Not because I hate my job, but because I love the opportunity to catch up on household stuff and pretend to be normal!  Last night we had the "perfect storm."  It was perfect because it came on the heels of a overwhelmingly busy but very blessed week of special services at church.  God is so good, and He provided our family with health and the ability to be in a place where we could be a sponge for practical, soul-searching truths that will benefit us for months and years to come. 

Back in February, Greg was scheduled to take a business trip.  The company he was supposed to visit didn't end up being ready to implement the program he was helping to represent, so the trip was put on hold.  When it was rescheduled, it was right smack in the middle of our revival week.  He would miss Wednesday through Friday.  I was sick about it, but we knew that it was something that was out of our hands. We both began to pray that God would work His will, but I'll have to be honest and say that my faith was pretty weak.  The plane tickets had been purchased, and hotel reservations made. 
In spite of my waning faith, God showed me something pretty special. He again let me know that He always has our best interest at heart, and He knows exactly what we need.  About ten days before the trip was supposed to happen, Greg was notified that it had been put on hold again.  That was only the first of several "miracles" that I specifically witnessed last week, and I'm smiling as I think about how the presence of God was so near and strong, especially in our Sunday morning service.  It was everything we had prayed for, yet so much more than we even realized was possible!   The lyrics to Gaither's We Are So Blessed come to mind, "When we're empty You fill us till we overflow..."    And that's exactly what happened.  Back to the snow day...

God gave us good weather right up until the end of our week of services, then He dumped about 8 inches of snow in our driveway and tucked us in for an extra day.  Although I'm as ready for spring as anyone, the beauty of a snow storm still has me somewhat enamored, and throughout the night and most of today I've been able to catch glimpses of it while cleaning, organizing, and surfing the web. 

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If today is the last snow day of the year (who knows...we are in Ohio!), I'll be able to say that I did it justice.  Now it's time to blow out the candles, turn off the coffee pot, and secure a night of rest. 

Today I'm thankful for:

• A warm, comfortable home
• Pumpkin/vanilla candles from Swan Creek Candle Co.
• A God who loves us more than we can even comprehend
• Grace that is greater than sin
• A husband who is sensitive to God's will in his life and career
• Children who are growing, learning, achieving, and recognizing the voice of God
• Snowflakes that multiply times a trillion and give us snow days  :-) 

So What's A Girl To Do...

when she goes to Biggby with a bogo coupon...and she's all alone?  Yeeaahhh, you guessed it.  She buys one, she gets one free, and she drinks them both.  Hehe...I'm not a Starbucks girl, and I really missed my favorite coffee shop while I was in Muncie last week.  Combine that with the reality that I'm ready to pop some toothpicks in my eyelids while I try to finish a pressing project, and it's a coffee lover's perfect storm.  I'm pretty sure I just blew the lid off of any calorie reduction I was attempting today, but now today has run into tomorrow (or was it yesterday...I need some sleep!), and we're starting all over again.  I will try to stay away from the calories and the caffeine later in this day, but with a drive to Columbus and back in the early afternoon, I can't make promises.  :-)

Let me share a note that Alli passed to us in church last night.  I love reading "phonetic" writings, and it cracked me up to see her attempt at my name.  I'm not one to spend much time with my kids educationally before they start school (I figure there's enough time for all that in grades K-12), so she wouldn't have had a clue how to spell "Stephanie." 

She is so much fun right now because she is willing to try anything.  She's always pounding out something on the piano, spelling words aloud, or sounding things out and it's just something new every minute with her.  Love this stage.  The other day I noticed that she was playing the same note over and over on the piano, but she was frustrated because she couldn't get the timing right.  I wasn't catching onto what she was doing, but she finally asked me to help her cause she was trying to play the "wedding song."  Then it hit me...the prelude notes leading into the Bridal March...so we worked on that for awhile.  Not sure why it was important to her to get that figured out, but maybe in a few years she'll be able to add the rest of the song to the first three measures.  ;-)  While the other kids were sick, she was going a little stir crazy in the house.  She changed costumes multiple times per day, and danced and pranced all over the place for hours.  At one point she came to me with a veil over her face and asked me if I had worn one like that.  I told her no, and she said, "Well, that's how REAL people get married!"  Ooookay! 

Now that my baby is growing up, I find myself relishing every innocent word and action.  All too soon, she'll no longer want daddy to "tickle her awake" on Sunday mornings.  She'll decide that she can tuck herself into bed.  And her favorite meal won't be ice cream.  Now, that could pull some tears.  The days are passing quickly...

Since it's all of 1 a.m. (yeah, too much coffee), I think I'll have to quit tracking my parents' flight and catch some sleep.  They're covering a lot of ocean right now, and it's safe to say that I'll be a little more comfortable when they crawl into the van with me tomorrow, er, today! 

(And to think...I came this close to joining Money Saving Mom's Early to Rise Challenge this month!  What an epic fail that would have been!) 

No Place Like Home!

After a virtually media-free week, I am back home and enjoying catching up on all my favorite blogs and posting a few pictures of my own.  For a peek into our week, click here.  I was able to spend a little time with my college bestie at the event we attended last week, and she concurred with me...there's no place like home!  I never considered myself a homebody {I can become 'housebound' within just a few hours}, but sleeping in a motel, eating out every meal, and constantly rearranging clothes in a suitcase isn't really my cup of tea these days.  I guess it is a small price to pay for the benefit of what we were doing, but I'm really glad to be back to the comfort of the place I love. 

When we walked into the house, it only took a split second for me to realize that whatever I had put down the garbage disposal before we left really hadn't gone all the way through the process of being disposed.  Rotten roast beef is utterly lacking in appeal.  :-)  With the magic of baking soda and some candles, we had it smelling like home again in no time, and spent the evening getting everything back into place and kicking our feet up for awhile. 

This morning I was able to catch up on one tiny detail that I hadn't had time to take care of before leaving - the fridge cleanout.  Ugh.  Needless to say, the dishwasher has run twice today.  Then it was on to organizing the pantry, making a grocery list, and all the other little details of getting ready for a new week.  It's good to be home.

Earlier in the week, I was a little anxious.  My parents are off for a trip to the Holy Land, my brother and his wife were attending the National Religious Broadcaster's Convention in Nashville, their children were at home with their maternal grandparents, three of my kids were in Cincinnati with my sister and brother-in-law, and we were in Muncie with the responsibility for a group of kids who are not ours.  It's not often that we are all scattered in different directions in travel, but it just happened to be that way this time.  So far, all of us except for my parents are back safely.  Mom and dad have a couple more days to experience this incredible journey they are taking.  Please pray for them as they complete the trip and fly home on Tuesday. 

Since it felt like spring today, Greg grilled some steaks for supper.  Only in Ohio can you go sledding one day, and be comfortably grilling on the deck the next.  ;-)  It's soooo good to be home!